My BeSt FrIeNd, My SaViOr
by Misora-Massacre
Summary: I remember when moirallegance, kismesisstude, matespritship, and auspisticism didn't mean shit to me, because it involved other trolls. And I remember when I thought that if I had one, their murder by my hands would be inevitable. ((GamKar))


It was always lonely in my hive. My lusus was always out at sea, so it wasn't often that I saw him. Yeah, I guess I could've gone out to him. But I can't leave this place. That shit wouldn't be safe for no motherfucker.

Outside I hear screaming, but it was more staged than anything. It was quickly followed by laughs and giggled that made me want to strangle the hell out of the speaker just to make them shut the fuck up. I crept over to the window, accidentally stepping on one of my horns, and peeked through the blinds. Both of the trolls were female, one with shoulder length hair and pointer horns, the other with longer hair and…I don't know, her horns are fucking weird to describe. It looked like they were having the time of their lives, playing a game that only the two of them could understand. Quickly I pulled down the blinds again before I could start pondering ways of how to find out the color of their blood.

Moirallegance, kismesisstude, matespritship, auspisticism. These terms didn't mean shit to me. Why? It involves other trolls, something I'd really rather not deal with. Their deaths by my hands would be inevitable.

A sudden beeping noise made me turn around with slight paranoia. It was just my laptop, where an alert popped up to show I had a new message on my Trollian account. I narrowed my eyes and sat down, knowing that it could only be one person, the only person I dare contact other than my lusus.

**carcinoGeneticist [CG] ****began trolling ****terminallyCapricious [TC]**

Honestly, I don't remember how the motherfuck we first started talking, or how this guy (well, I've always assumed it was a guy, the troll never actually tells me shit about them) found me in the first place. All I really knew was that I was able to tolerate him, despite how bitchy he was most of the time. I rested my head in my hand as I read his latest message.

**[CG]: HEY FUCKASS**

**[CG]: WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TALK TO YOU**

I rolled my eyes, sitting upright in my chair and beginning to type.

**[TC]: HoNk MoThErFuCkInG hOnK**

**[TG]: DiD yOu NeEd SoMeThInG bRo?**

**[CG]: I THINK WE SHOULD SEE EACH OTHER**

**[CG]: LIKE IN PERSON AND SHIT**

See each other in person? I grinned slightly at this. Not from any excitement at finally having the chance to meet this fucker. Oh no, it was because for once I thought someone was crazier than me. I scoffed and was about to reply when he bombarded me with more messages.

**[CG]: ALL RIGHT WHAT I'M ABOUT TO SAY IS GOING TO MAKE ME SOUND LIKE A FUCKING STALKER BUT WHATEVER**

**[CG]: THIS GUY I KNOW SOLLUX KINDA MANAGED TO TRACK YOU DOWN. I DIDN'T TELL THE LITTLE BASTARD TO DO IT, HE JUST CAME UP TO ME AND GAVE ME YOUR ADDRESS LIKE "HERE KK YOU THO OWE ME"**

**[CG]: I REALLY HATE HIM**

**[CG]: BUT ANYWAY ITS NOT AS IF IT WAS HARD TO FIND YOU, THERE ARE SERIOUSLY NOT THAT MANY EMPTY HIVES AND EVERYONE KNOWS MOST OF ALTERNIA'S GEOGRAPHY SO WHAT SOLLUX DID WASN'T ALL THAT SPECIAL.**

**[TG]: YoU'Re RaMbLiNg AgAiN**

**[CG]: YEAH NO SHIT**

**[CG]: ANYWAY SO HERE'S MY GOD DAMN POINT:**

**[CG]: I'M OUTSIDE YOUR PLACE RIGHT NOW. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE ME JUST TELL ME AND I'LL LEAVE**

**[CG]: OTHERWISE OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR**

Now if y'all motherfuckers couldn't tell, I was freaking out at this point. I was tempted to tell him to get the fuck out and leave me be, with the tip of my fingers already on the keys. But for some reason, probably a motherfucking miracle, I scooted away from my laptop and got up.

Heading downstairs, I paused inches away from the front door. A deep, anxious feeling formed in the pit of my stomach and I took a deep breath. Slowly, I unlocked the door, keeping a steady grip on the door knob.

The troll seemed to be a little younger than me. He wore a black sweater with the sign of the Cancer, and he had the stubbiest little horns that I'd ever seen. He looked up from his laptop and pouted, closing it and putting it away. "Well it's about fucking time you opened up," he said, extending his hand out to me. "I'm Karkat Vantas."

I thought this was a cute gesture for Karbro to do, so I humored him and shook it. "Gamzee Makara," I introduced myself, though trying not to look him in the eye. He could probably see all the crazy in mines. Eyes are motherfucking windows to the soul, right?

He let out a sigh. "Good to know. Now am I just going to stand out here all day or are you gonna let me in?" he asked irritably. A part of my mind chuckled; Karkat was acting almost exactly how I thought he would. I nodded and stepped aside. I saw on his face that he didn't all that approve of my messiness, what with all the horns scattered everywhere. To my surprise he didn't say anything about it and simply sat on the couch. He looked up at me. "So you really do like clowns."

Obviously he was referring to my face paint, which wasn't as motherfucking good as it is nowadays. I shrugged and closed the door. "Clowns are supposed to be happy all the motherfucking time," I said, adding a small 'honk' at the end. I looked back at him only to see him staring at me, his expression seeming like he was trying to solve a puzzle or some shit.

"You're not happy, though, are you?"

I tensed at this, instinct almost making me go over there and bitch slap him. Instead I tried to calm myself and glanced at him, holding my hands behind my back. "Who's to say if I am or not?" I mused thoughtfully, grabbing one of my clubs and casually tossing it in the air.

He glared at me. "Don't try to fucking play it off, I can tell you aren't," he said.

My hand slipped and the club fell to my feet. I pouted and stuck my hands in my pockets, lazily turning my head around to look at him. "I'm perfectly ha—"

"Gamzee," Karkat interrupted, his voice hard. "You hate yourself, wish you weren't born the way you were born, want someone to be there for you but are too fucking stubborn to admit it, even to yourself. How do I know all that shit? Because I'm the god damn same." He looked down, away from me. "And there's no way I can be considered happy."

I looked at him with a steady gaze. "So what're you saying, Vantas? You wanna be my moirail?" I asked.

There were a few moments of silence, and then he looked up at me again, eyes filled with determination. "Yes."

Karkat was almost always by my side after that practically. He suggested the soper pie that I was fucking hooked on. He agreed that he wouldn't make me eat it since the slime was pretty motherfucking disgusting, but we both knew that it would calm down the murderous urges of mine, so I ate. Those pies really are fucking miraculous, though. Making me feel all high and fluffy and shit, heh…

Even with the pie, though, there were some days where not even that could help me. I had locked myself in my closet one time, hugging myself and rocking back and forth, shivering so fucking much from the need to spill blood. My eyes darted around quickly, psychotically, and I grabbed and tore at my hair. You don't even motherfucking _understand._ When you're in that state where you just gotta motherfucking kill a bitch, it'll take over every nerve in your motherfucking _body._ Your think pan will be too clouded to think right, insanity wanting to embrace your entire being and you'll just wanna motherfucking squeeze the shit out of it, begging to let it become a part of you.

I clawed at my arms, my neck, my face, letting my blood stain my clothes. My purple blood, the one that made me the highest of all motherfucking land dwellers. The one that should make everyone fucking _respect_ me, _admire_ me, motherfucking _worship_ me! I had to get out of there, had to kill someone, had to let them know that I was the one running the motherfucking carnival.

The door opened then, and I felt arms wrap around me from behind. I removed my hands from my face, confused and temporarily distracted, when I heard quiet sniffling from behind.

"F-Fucking idiot…" Karkat whispered, burying his face in my back.

Feeling him there with me, comforting me, I wanted to fucking cry too. I tried not to, but I couldn't help choking back a sob. "K-Kar…Karbro, I don't wanna…Our friends…I can't…"

He hushed me softly, nuzzling against me. "You won't…I believe in you, Gam…" he said quietly. I loved hearing this kind of bull from Karkat, knowing that I'm the only one he'll act like that for. And hell yeah, it made me feel special, like it actually meant something.

I turned around, feeling at that moment completely vulnerable, and hugged him back tightly. He rubbed my back as I sobbed into his shoulder. Softly, he tilted my head up so that our eyes met. He let out a small sigh and rubbed my tears away with his thumb, along with some blood that had come out from my scratches. "You need to stop fucking torturing yourself like this…" he remarked.

I sniffled, trying to stop crying. I noticed that Karkat had already wiped his tears away, probably in fear of me knowing his blood color. It had made me curious, why he would be so ashamed of it. Was it really that low? I had always just dismissed it, thinking that if Karbro wanted to tell me then Karbro would. I just shook my head, shoulders shaking. "I-I can't help it, Kar…" I stammered. "I-If I don't, I'll hurt them instead…I-I might even hurt you…"

He blinked away any possible tears, looking at me steadily. "You won't hurt anyone," he said. "You're better than that."

I only continued to shake my head in denial, knowing that none of that could possibly be true. "I-I'm really not! I…I…"

Before I could finish what I was about to say, because I was interrupted by Karkat suddenly putting his lips against mine. I blushed darkly, too caught of guard to do anything. I felt his lips pull away tentatively, and he buried his face in his hands. "Oh fuck, fuck, fuck, shiiiiit, I knew you wouldn't fucking kiss back, you don't even fucking feel the same way, fuck, you're always talking about Tavros and I know you like him, so I shouldn't have even tried but I couldn't fucking help it, I just—"

"Karbro?"

He looked up at me, and before he could reply I kissed the motherfucker. I heard him sniffle again, then slowly he started to kiss back. He smiled gently into the kiss, wrapping my arms around his waist and pulling him closer. We were like that for a while until we finally needed to pull back for air. He looked down so I wouldn't see his blush. I only chuckled and cuddled. "You're so motherfucking cute, Karbro…"

"Sh-shut up, I'm not…" he muttered, hiding his face in my shirt. He then quickly got up, still hiding his face. "S-So, I'm just going to get some bandages for your wounds." He saw that I was about to object to his leaving and groaned. "I wouldn't have had to if you would've not tried to turn yourself to shreds."

I just pouted up at him, trying to give him my cutest, saddest face. He hesitated, but groaned and simply patted my head. "Just stay there, I'll help you."

He helped me then, and he's helped me countless of times after. Even when he met Egbert and all the other humans, and I thought that there were chances that he might've preferred Egbert over me, he would constantly prove his love.

And now here I sat, in my nice and comfy horn pile, Karkat safe and sound in my arms. I kissed his forehead gently and smiled. "It's been a long day, huh, best friend?"

He just grunted softly. It was rare for him to be so quiet. But that no sleeping rule he had for a while (even though he broke it a bit) had gotten it. He looked up at me slowly, and I can tell that he wanted to tell me something but was too tired to say it. I put my index finger to his lip, quietly shushing him. "Get some rest, Kar, I'll protect you…"

"Gam…" he whispered. I should my head and grabbed one of the horns from the pile, softly squeezing it in front of Kar's face so only air would come out with no noise. I didn't want his head to start hurting too.

"Just go to sleep, it's okay," I said, giving him a reassuring smile. It was obvious he was trying to keep his eyes open, trying to stay awake, but I saw how heavy his eyelids must've felt. I pulled him close to me and snuggled, laying a small kiss on his lips. "I love you Karkat…" I whispered just as his eyes closed.

I remember when moirallegance, kismesisstude, matespritship, and auspisticism didn't mean shit to me, because it involved other trolls. And I remember when I thought that if I had one, their murder by my hands would be inevitable. I remember when I was too afraid to see anyone, especially Karkat, in fear that I would hurt them.

Heh.

You know the motherfucking funny thing though? If I had listened to that rational side of me, Karkat wouldn't have stopped breathing right then and there in my arms, and his mutant red blood wouldn't be all over my motherfucking self. But it's not like it's any of _my_ fault, right? I simply welcomed that motherfucker to the MOTHERFUCKING DARK CARNIVAL…And he paid the price~

honk

HONK

honk

HONK

:o)


End file.
